"This is stupid," said the little voice in my head when I was sitting in front of a blank sheet of paper placed next to a brand-new tray of watercolours, a cup half-filled with water, and four brushes of different sizes all placed on a table wrapped in brown packing paper.
I was looking forward to this three-day training course that formed part of my continuing coaching education. I knew the focus of this course would be on self-awareness. I broadly knew what to expect. And yet, there it was, that little voice that complained, "this is stupid."
My knee-jerk reaction to such inner voices is taking them for the truth. But when I examined my thoughts with some distance, I felt disappointed in myself for not approaching the exercise with more openness. And after further reflection, I came to realise that the voice declaring the entire exercise stupid could be seen as a sign for actually being on the right path. Because I knew that voice. It said similar things before. Things like, "I don't like this," "this feels uncomfortable," or "this is not for me." "This is stupid" fit a pattern. It's a voice that appears when I leave my comfort zone. So, looking at it from a different perspective, if the voice fails to appear, chances are I'm stuck in my comfort zone.
Sometimes looking at my own behaviour makes me chuckle. I'm always telling myself how important it is to try new things, venture into uncharted territory, and expose myself to voluntary discomfort. I truly believe all this has value. I also appreciate my comfort zone and I think it's perfectly fine to spend ample time there - just not all of my time. And yet, whenever I leave my comfort zone, I'm surprised that I feel uncomfortable (I'm aware this sounds silly, but maybe you can relate).
So, there I was, sitting in front of a blank sheet of paper, painting utensils in place, assigned the task to paint my current life situation - and the voice telling me that the whole thing was stupid. It took me an instant to realise the significance of that moment: I had successfully left my comfort zone.
Developing a conscious relationship with that uneasy feeling or the voice complaining about a situation has tremendous value. It pays off to investigate the feeling more closely and really listen to what the voice has to say. Exploring that feeling and evaluating that voice prevents us from knee-jerk reactions that make us leave the situation and run back straight into the cushy emotional safety of our comfort zone.
"This is stupid," my mind said. So, I decided to dwell in that thought for a short while to see where it would take me, excited about the learning experience unfolding right in that moment. Then I grabbed a brush and started painting.